{Desirae} So Lost Without You...

[Sinclair]

"Aww, more? Really?"Desirae questioned before she giggled,"I should be spoiling you more. You are amazing and deserve it. In fact, I think I will. I'll try to make every day that you're here with me enjoyable."

"I'm unbelievable?"Desirae echoed with a laugh. She didn't explain, but it seemed so amusing to think that she was the one that was unbelievable when he was the one marrying her. Besides, it was always hard to think of herself and her good qualities while standing beside someone she admired greatly. . .Oh well. It was a normal concept in her mind now.

"I never honestly considered being Mrs. anyone after the age of six. When I realized I couldn't be married to every cartoon character I enjoyed watching."Desirae explained."I'm glad that it's you I'll be with, though. As tempting as it was to be wed to that cutie, Aladdin, I do believe I'll enjoy a life with you a lot more."

"Aw, you say that you love me often. I love you, too. And, it doesn't take saying those three words, love. I know you love me, the look in your eyes, the expression on your face. It's beautiful, it's undeniable."Desirae said.

[Sparrow]

Sparrow noticed as they walked down the hallway that many of the students they were passing were giving them knowing looks. As he listened to the words his fiancee was saying, Sparrow realized just how predictably gushy they were. It made him nod at one of his friends who gave him a thumbs up as they passed.

That would be awesome, but you don't have to do that love. I just enjoy spending time with you. The days are always wonderful when you are with me. He squeezed her hand in a comforting way.

Don't laugh. But Sparrow couldn't help smiling. Did she really not know how wonderful she was to him? I'm telling the truth. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. He winked at her playfully and then laughed aloud at her next comment, the sound ringing down the echo-like hallways. Oh, do I have to beat Aladdin up now? Although that's not really fair. After all Jasmine and I always assumed we were meant to be. He grinned wickedly at the thought. But you're a good second best, I suppose. He squeezed her hand again to show he was joking.

Baby, you should write songs, not me. I don't even know what to say to that. I guess you'll have to find out how I see you in my vows. But your love is the most important thing in my world. Just so you know. Sparrow was a pretty emotional guy but he was still a guy and wasn't sure just how to respond to incredibly cute gestures like that. So instead, he just hummed a tune he had recently written cheerfully.

[Sinclair]

Desirae, on the other hand, didn't seem to care about the others. She never really had. She spent more time invisible or avoiding them in general than she did actually talking to them. In fact, most seemed to already know that Desirae Casey was like a ghost when not at the side of her soon to be husband. She was far from the social butterfly Sparrow was, which was probably puzzling to some in its own right.

Desirae nodded in agreement, but she didn't really agree with Sparrow. Though they may be enjoyable as they were, there was no doubt in her mind that she could make it better.

"As much as I appreciate that, love, I'm going to do it anyway."Desirae informed him casually. Him squeezing her hand had made her smile, but it wasn't going to change her mind at all. But if she was being honest, she would admit that she knew Sparrow wasn't really going to stop her from doing too many things. Anything that didn't harm either of them seemed to go, so it was pretty easy to know what she could do, really.

"Hmm, Jasmine is cute."Desirae agreed gravely,"And I'm sure you could show her the world in a way Aladdin and his carpet never could." Though Desirae tried to keep her voice grave, her expression serious, she couldn't resist a grin any longer, laughter sounding like it was only seconds away as she spoke again,"But I think I'm pretty safe, even as second, my love. I could live with the arrangement. "

Desirae smiled."Hmm, vows. I didn't think of those. But I'm sure I could think of something to say to you,"Desirae's tone had grown thoughtful. She really hadn't thought of what she'd say, of what her vow to her husband would be. But there was so much she wanted to say to him, so much she wanted him to know, that it shouldn't be too hard to find the words that expressed her true feelings to the man of her dreams. It was all a matter of course. As she pondered this, she listened quietly to the humming of Sparrow, her smile never leaving.

[Sparrow]

Sparrow just shook his head with fake exasperation. Of course Desirae worried about their time together; she was a worrier. That was one of the many things that balanced out their relationship, because he was not. Because of this, Sparrow didn't dwell on her decision and instead, moved on to the next topic on hand, which in this case made him smile. Her laugh always seemed to brighten his day and their casual joking was something he missed dearly during his time on the road. The little things all seemed so important when he was gone.

I'm sure you'll find something to say, Sparrow said as his song slowly faded away into comfortable silence. I'm already working on mine. I had an idea come to me the other day and its been steadily making its way onto paper. he mused as they walked. But I want to know what you have been up to! Tell me what you've been doing while I've been gone?

[Sinclair]

"Ohh, I know I will."She agreed happily. She would have loved to find out what he was writing, what he had planned, but she wasn't going to do that. It would be more meaningful as a surprise, that she was sure of. She was also curious about what it was that Sparrow had done in so much time away, but it was no secret to her that he wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to tell her. So she wasn't even going to bother asking him. So she would give in and tell him about her life, offering her a feeling of normalcy, perhaps.

"It wasn't too interesting, unfortunately. I mean, I kept myself busy, but it all blended together. I spent a lot of time outside and a lot of time in the medical wing. But I don't usually talk to others- you, Sparrow, bring out the best in me in that way. When I'm not with you, I'm unpleasantly shy like I used to be. I don't like it. On the brightside, plenty of people talk to me just because I know you- that's always fun because they usually talk about you,"Desirae stated while grinning mischievously."I love when they tell me things I didn't know. They try to impress me with all their knowledge of you, even. After all, you've been at the institute longer than I have."

[Sparrow]

Sparrow smiled as she spoke of her life without him. He could picture it all; her puttering about the Institute, doing the things that needed to be done whether it was in the medical wing or outside. He ran his free hand down her beautiful hair as she talked with such contentness about her life and found himself happy that she could be happy without him.

Oh really? Sparrow's hand stopped ijn her hair and he wrapped it around her waist, removing his other hand from hers in a quick motion. What are they telling you now? Its probably all lies. he added, sticking out his tongue playfully.

[Sinclair]

Desirae was inevitably calmed by the feeling of Sparrow's hand just as much as his smile. She couldn't have guessed what made him smile, but the fact that he was seemed to be enough for her. The new movement, along with his questioning tone, caught Desirae's attention. Oh, yes, she was alert now. She let her now free hand fall to her side for a moment as she considered answering his question. His expression giving her reason to smile again.

"Perhaps some were lies,"She relented with a smile."But not all of it." She had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to tell him that easily. Besides, those stories were what kept her content while he was gone whether they were untrue or not. Thinking they were true was a way of keeping him close sort of. But perhaps she could let him in on some. She was bound to hear more in time.

"Well, apparently you are quite helpful in the medical wing when you need to be. Someone told me about a time that you patched up a few lone mutants."Desirae offered. Apparently he'd really helped two people who'd really needed it in the middle of the night. The story was second hand, but the way they had talked of Sparrow, he'd sounded nothing short of heroic. She didn't have all the details- not even close. And she didn't want to talk about it anymore. For some reason, it'd reminded her of something she'd found out recently, but had yet to tell Sparrow. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to- if she could have found him, she would have. But she had assumed he would be training and she wasn't going to interrupt that, she was too nervous. How was he going to respond?

"Sparrow."Desirae began, dropping her gaze at least momentarily. "There's. . .something I have to tell you. Something rather big. First-"Desirae raised her gaze, appearing thoughtful. Maybe he should sit down for this, so she took his hand."I want you to sit down. I-I don't know how you're going to take it, honestly." She sat down herself, reluctant to let her hand leave his. The floor wasn't very comfortable, but she was not complaining. As she waited, she began explaining, hoping that by the time she let the news escape his lips, he'd be sitting.

"So. . .I know we're already planning on getting married. . .But I got a bit of news recently. Nothing that would keep me from being your wife, but maybe something that would ensure I was."Desirae explained, her tone soft and nervous. She stole a glance around them, watching for any people. This wasn't news she wanted everyone spreading. So she lowered her voice and leaned even closer, finally looking into his eyes.

"Sparrow James, I'm going to have your baby,"Desirae explained, bracing herself for a look of disappointment. It was a big commitment for her, it had to be for him, too. And though it'd hurt to see disappointment, she thought it must be coming. This would change so much between them, so much in their lives and where they were going. It was scary, but if there was anyone Desirae wanted to help her through it, it was Sparrow.

[Sparrow]

Sparrow just smiled with embarrassment and shook his heads. All he ever did was be friendly to people, help them when they needed it, and sometimes led missions. If his friends thought that much of him, it was of their own impressions. Especially that night. He didn't really believe he had done that much for those two, but it was still being talked about for some reason. He was already embarrassed by all the praise he seemed to be getting so all Sparrow could say in response was, Those guys, with a slight chuckle.

The mood instantly changed when Desirae's face turned serious. He didn't resist as she pulled him down beside her, but his eyes wre narrowed in worry. What could it be? Could she be calling of the wedding? But no, she didn't look sad just... hopeful maybe? For once, Sparrow couldn't seem to decipher Desirae's expression as she started explaining and he didn't dare interrupt her.

But then she said 8 words that would forever change his life. Sparrow James, I'm going to have your baby. And Sparrow sat there, shocked for a full minute. He couldn't even move. When he finally met Desirae's eyes though, Sparrow couldn't believe she looked disappointed and he suddenly realized she thought he wasn't going to be happy. At that, Sparrow's frozen expression instantly softened and he placed one tender kiss on her lips and grabbed both of her hands in his.
Love, I'm going to be a dad. That's the most incredible thing I have ever heard in my life. Dessy, this is the second happiest day of my life. Only after the day you said you'd marry me. He slipped one of his hands from hers and gently placed it on her stomach. Maybe it was a little bigger than he remembered but he couldn't be sure yet. I can't wait. I love you so much. We really are going to be our own little family Desirae! Sparrow's grin was the largest it had ever been as he gently carressed his fiancee's stomach. I cannot believe this. Wow. This is so crazy wonderful. Sparrow just couldn't stop talking and smiling.

[Sinclair]

Desirae was noticeably worried by the quietness. What did that mean? Was he so alarmed by it that he couldn't even pretend to be feeling anything? If anything, she wanted to cry, but she refrained, and she was glad she had. When Sparrow kissed her, her expression became a smile, though the smile did more to make her think that he was going to give her bad news than to assure her that he was okay with it.

"I'm glad,"Desirae agreed with a small nod. She was smiling, geniunely happy even, not excited. Desirae was a bit more mellow than Sparrow- not that she minded his enthusiasm in the least. When he touched her stomach, there was a definite look of surprise. Not alarm, just surprise. It was not an action she was familiar with, and if she hadn't just given the news she had she might have been self-conscious by it. As it was, she began to think about what he felt. At this point perhaps he couldn't feel anything, that wouldn't surprise her. She really couldn't be sure when she'd gotten pregnant, she felt really no symptoms. And the reason for that was probably her powers which was both a good thing and a bad thing.

"I found out this morning, but I thought it'd be better to tell you later. I-I didn't know what you'd think. This is a lot of responsibility."Desirae murmured softly, still sounding a bit nervous."I have no doubt that you'll be a great dad, but I'm scared, Sparrow." Desirae was terrified, actually. There were so many things that could go wrong, and the Xavier Institute was a scary place to raise a child. No, Bayville was. And what if she wasn't a good mother, what if she fell into the habits of her own mother? Desirae did her best not to think too much about it.

[Sparrow]

Sparrow nodded her head as she explained. He could totally understand her rationing; he wouldn't exactly know how he himself would react either to various things. This was especially a big one.

Yes, it is a big responsibility but I'm looking forward to it, Sparrow expressed honestly as he moved his hand back to intertwine with hers and squeezed gently. Her worry was genuine and all he could do was comfort her. But watching some of the other X-men with accepting families embrace each other, Sparrow had absolutely no doubt in his mind that Desirae would be ready when the time came. Of course you are my love, But I will be with you through this whole thing. I'll never leave your side and I'll be there when little Des or Sparrow is given to us. With his smile softer and more tender, Sparrow hummed a few bars and pressed his forehead against Desirae's in their familiar affectionate gesture.

You're having my baby,
What a lovely way of saying how much you love me,
You're having my baby,
What a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me

I can see it, your face is glowing,
I can see it in your eyes, I'm happy you know it
He sang softly to her, in their own private world.

[Sinclair]

Now that Sparrow had reacted, Desirae convinced herself that she really shouldn't have even considered it. Of course Sparrow would be happy! It was Sparrow. Her perfect match, the half that made her whole. How could he react any differently? Sparrow would make everything okay. Always.

Desirae's smile brightened, her nervousness vanishing completely when he said he was looking forward to it. His actions only helped to make her relax more. When Sparrow said that he'd be there with her through it all, and when he gave her a chance to consider gender, it suddenly felt real. Sure, it'd felt real when she was staring at a pregnancy test that accounted for the weight she couldn't explain, considering her unaltered diet. And sure, it seemed real when she'd went out to buy prenatal vitamins. And yes, it was real when she chose an apple over a muffin when she wanted a snack, but this was different. This was something that couldn't be denied. They were having a child. She glanced down at her stomach, silently wishing that she had some insider information about what gender it would be. She knew how it worked - when she got so far along, they'd give her an ultrasound. This would check the gender as well as the health and development of the baby. Desirae was sure that day wouldn't come soon enough.

Desirae's thoughts moved from the baby to Sparrow when he hummed. Sheclosed her eyes, letting the sound relax her. Then he sang. Desirae was already smiling, so she didn't show her happiness that way, but the moment he was done she shifted, leaning closer so that she could kiss him. Then she pulled away, if only to speak.

"You're so sweet, Sparrow! You should sing more often,"Desirae giggled playfully,"For the baby's benefit as much as mine." The moment had seemed somewhat serious, and perhaps another personw ould have let it be, but not Desirae. She wasn't good with quiet, meaningful moments. Not for long, and not unless they needed to occur.

"The one you wrote before, the first one that you sent in the letter,"Desirae added,"That one was my favorite."

[Sparrow]

Sparrow kissed her back lovingly. He knew exactly why Desirae had pulled him to her and how she felt about those moments. And although Sparrow had grown up quite a bit in the last few years, he was still pretty restless and probably couldn't have kept it up for much longer.

Desirae always complimented him on his music but Sparrow hadn't really realized that maybe the baby would enjoy it as well. He had actually heard about music heard during the pregnancy by the fetus was good for it, but he wasn't sure he believed it. Nevertheless, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from singing in joy anyway.

That baby is going to get many lullabies, Sparrow admitted. But never like the ones I write for you. I still have that one in my songbook. It's one of my favorites too. He smiled at her and found his blue eyes lift from her belly to her own beautiful eyes.

(I do still have that song btw!! <3)

[Sinclair]

{I do, too <3 Well, it's a PM on the old site. I used to have a background on my computer, but I have a new computer so it's gone. Plus I'm over it- my skills are definitely lacking in the creativity department so I won't even pretend I could do it then or make anything now XD}

"I love to hear you sing,"Desirae stated honestly. That probably wasn't much of a secret- Desirae had told him numerous times, and she still had the letter they were referring to, tucked away in the bottom drawer of her dresser. That was like her 'secret' place. When all her clothes were put away, there had been one drawer left, so Desirae started placing report cards in there. Then she met Sparrow, and suddenly she was filling it with notes from Sparrow and with little bits to remind her. There was a small bottle of sand to remind her of the day on the beach where they'd met. And there was an hourglass necklace tucked away in there, to be kept safe until Desirae found a necklace she liked. And yet, maybe she wouldn't. . . Suddenly, her life did not revolve around the mother she didn't truly know. It revolved entirely around Sparrow, and she was certain it would do so for a very long time.

Desirae suddenly smiled mischievously while looking at Sparrow. There was one question that always came with a pregnancy- boy or girl? It was such a daunting question, really, because if the baby ended up being the opposite gender, it wouldn't be quite as sweet as if the parent guessed the baby. But it seemed to tempting to resist, and besides, Desirae honestly was curious. So she asked the question that she honestly knew she didn't want to answer.

"Sparrow, boy or girl? Which one would you hope for?"Desirae asked. She, personally, would have said boy because she had raised her brother. Knowing him, she had a soft spot for little boys. And beyond that, who wouldn't want a kid with Sparrow as an influence? He'd probably be the sweetest boy on the block. The idea was picture perfect. Not that she was against a girl- oh, no, not even close. Girls wore the prettiest clothes and they tended to have such pretty names and knowing the bond she had with the person she called mom for most of her life, a girl could very well be her best friend. That was not an unappealing thought when she found herself facing the idea of being a fairly young mother. Either way, it seemed there were at least a few pros to fall back on.

[Sparrow]

Sparrow couldn't help but respond with an equally mushy answer. And I love your smile.

Sparrow was also thinking along the same lines as her when Desirae asked him that question. That was another wonderful thing about Desirae; they usually had similar thought paths. Though she wasn't very far along yet, he was so curious and the gender was one of those things that people thought of first when they found out about a pregnancy. Sparrow was no exception to that.

To be honest with you Des, I would love a boy. Although I will love that baby no matter what. I think its just cause I have a brother and can kind of picture raising a boy right now. What about you love? Tell me what you want more? Boy or girl?

[Sinclair]

"I was actually thinking the same thing- I was thinking about my little brother, and about how I helped raise him, so I can see myself doing it again with another little boy. But I would have guessed that you would want a girl- you know, momma's boy, daddy's girl?"Desirae answered. She wasn't arguing with what he preferred- it was actually nice that they were on the same page, if anything. She just hadn't expected it. Perhaps she should have; a fifty fifty chance for him to say it, why shouldn't he? And it seemed easier for him to be on the same page as him. The only problem was, what if there was a little girl growing inside her? Surely neither Sparrow or her would be too upset- oh, no. They would be happy. But wasn't it more common for the parents to disagree, and for them to be able to look back and say,'Oh, your mom thought you'd be a boy, but I thought-'. Desirae finally closed her eyes. It was nothing more than a blink that lasted longer than normal, but it was a blink that cleared her mind.

"This will definitely be an adventure."she smiled, feeling much better about the situation."I'll just have to be a bit more careful from now on." Desirae was not going to let anything harm the baby. She was referring mostly to the times she wore herself out while trying to heal others, she wasn't going to allow that to happen often if she could help it, because it couldn't be good for the baby. Perhaps she could get away with it early on, but not when she got farther along. And she would have to watch what she ate a bit more, though that was never something she struggled with. She could stand to follow the food pyramid a bit closer, to say the least.

{Heyy, I'm sorry I didn't reply, I intended on it, but I'm lame and didn't have the muse to write really any replies yesterday. Shaddow beat me to it <3 We'll have to have a Kaycee and Cy or Sin topic later, because I think it'll be fun.}